"Time is a wheel in constant motion"

“Daylight savings lover, how ‘bout one more kiss? Just to get me started, just to get me through this.”

It’s almost that time again…daylight savings time!  It will be SO nice to actually get to the park for a jog in the daylight and drive home with my sunroof open, definitely looking forward to it! I cannot wait to have a free day and go for a hike…a day trip to Muir Woods and a little trip to Big Sur…and hopefully Russian Gulch near Fort Bragg! 

An update on life…January and February were pretty intense!  Definitely had a lot of hurdles thrown my way…but I think I handled things fairly well.  Yay, I’m growing! I tend to make sure I have “reflection” moments to think about what I’ve been through and how I’ve grown and it allows me to appreciate what my current situation is.  I think with all the stressful things I had to deal with over those few weeks, I definitely made sure to focus on the bigger picture and tried (and succeeded) not to let things get me down.  Can’t fully appreciate the good without having a little bit(or a lot) of the bad, right? 

Let’s see, events that I’ve been to and news that I’ve been informed of:

-Ari performed at a house concert in Feb.  It was pretty amazing…although there were times I was afraid he was going to smack me in the face with the neck of his guitar.  That show will get its own update. :) Harper Blynn performed at Red Devil Lounge again…the new album is sure to be amazing.

-My friends are getting married, falling in love, having babies, and buying houses.  I cannot even express how excited I am for each of them.  My heart is just filled with love, absolute love.  I am such a lucky woman to be surrounded by amazing people that choose to share their good news with me and it’s just great watching them on their journey! 

-Baby sister is graduating from Davis!  SO proud of her. She works SO hard.  Genius, that one! 

-We had the Getty Owl Run/Walk and it was a complete success!  Cannot wait for the next one!  Every event that has been organized by this foundation has run pretty darn smoothly!

-Upcoming shows: Matt Nathanson!, Brendan James!, and Jay Nash!

Life is just so much sweeter when you surround yourself with good people and good music.  To sum it up, I appreciate all the things life has to throw my way…the good and bad.  I do my best growing from the bad and it allows me to appreciate all that is good in my life.  I think we eventually face moments in life that test us and leave us with appreciation for all the little things in life, I learned this in my early 20’s and I’m so thankful for the lesson!

Title Lyrics: “Sun”-Stephen Kellogg & The Sixers

Sweet pea, apple of my eye, don’t know when and I don’t know why, you’re the only reason I keep on coming home.”

For those of you that know me, you know that I am very dedicated to the Getty Owl Foundation.  I came across the foundation through Alex Dezen who is part of this band I listen to called The Damnwells.  He and Angela Dezen recorded and released an album of lullabies affectionately titled “Lullabies For Getty” of which 100% of the proceeds go directly to the Getty Owl Foundation and towards finding the cure for SMA (Spinal Muscular Atrophy).  I did some research on the disease and learned that SMA is the #1 genetic killer of infants, 1 in 40 people are SMA carriers.  Babies are born without the gene that produces survival motor neuron proteins which help build muscles.  Eventually the child loses the ability to swallow and breathe.  I researched the foundation and discovered that the foundation was based out of Sacramento.  I connected with Kate, Getty’s mom, and told her I would like to help with whatever I could.  Getty’s story moved me and I will tell you that this almost 2 year old amazing girl motivates so many people in so many ways.  She is an inspiration.  I connected with the foundation a little under a year ago and I count myself extremely fortunate to be part of such an amazing cause and associate with such amazing people. 

There was so much work that was done behind the scenes, even parts that I don’t know about.  These people have worked so hard and making sure this run was going to be a success and organized.  The foundation met with the same people that put on the Run To Feed The Hungry race in Sacramento.  The date was set for February 26th and the planning had commenced.  In January we had a small meeting to go over details such as who felt comfortable in overseeing which area for the run, with my merch experience it was suggested (and I absolutely agreed) that registration would be best.  We decided on design details on the hats that were produced for the run and it was nice to make a suggestion that was taken into consideration and used.  After that, the promoting started.  My days consisted of a bit of facebook and twitter posting, flyering, and talking to local businesses in helping with donations. 

With all that work came the big day of the run.  I got up at about 3am that morning to get ready and head out to Sacramento.  I got to Sacramento at about 5am and shortly after my toes and fingers were frozen.  Man, it was chilly outside.  I need to make a note for my future self that I pack a nice heavy jacket, layer socks, and gloves with me!  The early morning hours (5-7am) consisted of setting up, from 7-8:30am we were busy registering people.  I was a lead watching over to make sure things were running smoothly and to answer questions that a runner may have had.  It was an eyeopening experience in the sociological sense, for sure.  I think it reminded me just how business minded I am, naturally.  I suppose it really is in my blood.  In fact, I was talking to a friend about her starting her business on Sunday, hopefully we can get that started.  Seeing all my friends at the registration booths picking up their runner’s packet warmed my heart.  The support was unbelievable.  My friends got out of bed early on a Sunday morning and drove out from parts of Sacramento, Lincoln, Vacaville, and Antioch!  I am just floored.  At 8:05am it was time to start the kid’s 1/4 mile run.  Watching these little kids run on their little legs was the cutest thing to watch, by far!  After the kid’s run came time for the 5k and 10k runners to gather by the starting line.  I cannot tell you how emotional I got, on the verge of tears, watching this sea of people out in the cold morning to run for this worthy cause.  It melted my heart in a big way.  Back in August Kate had mentioned that SMA messed with the wrong family and that awareness was being spread one person at a time.  This run showed 800+ people that were registered + family and friends supporting runners + volunteers that are aware and the numbers can only double, triple, quadruple in time for next year’s race!  This day was success, this day was full of support, it showed that there are some amazing people in society and that, well, that is always a great reminder.  As if I didn’t think the day could have gotten any better, I received a text stating that two of my amazing and dear friends got engaged!  Sunday was pure amazingness wrapped up in one day.  My heart was filled to the brim with joy!

Title Lyrics: Sweet Pea-Amos Lee

“And I said, you only see the problems you’re too afraid to solve and so I headed for the door.”

Here’s a quick entry straight from my phone. People can’t believe I lay myself out there through this blog. That I can post things about myself that open me up to being judged a certain way. I honestly have nothing to hide about myself. I know I’m not perfect and I understand that we as humans are going to constantly go through change. My goal is to be the best person I can be. I don’t get jealous of others, I’m genuinely happy for people when they are going through good times, and I genuinely get sad if they’re going through bad times. I realize this isn’t a normal reaction people have, but I am thankful that I can be genuine when someone has something amazing to report! With all that being said, I realized that I need to create a new rule for myself. I need to designate a day for myself in which I turn my phone completely off.

I have had close to a month of straight stress floating around me. My friends are losing key people on their lives, I lost someone who inspired me, people getting sick. I have the ability to look at the whole picture and remember that life is amazing. Dealing with the stress of that along with stress thrown my way by people whom I’m sure don’t realize it with their catty bitching just got to me this weekend. It started last weekend when I got sick. It was my body’s way of telling me that it was weak. I stressed my body out so bad that ended up causing my body to full on hemmorhage. So bad. Saturday I fell asleep and woke up deciding that I needed a day without my phone. No more stress, no more hearing about people’s stress. I needed to take care of myself. I try to be strong and try to be there for everyone, but that does me no good if I make myself physically ill. Today was amazing. It was nice and stress free and it reminded me they MY life in general is fantastic and I can’t get away from being able to see that and feel that on a daily basis.

Title lyrics: “Aftermath”-The Alternate Routes

“Love, I’m aching to believe. Give me something real enough, give somewhere to fall from. ‘Cause in the dark, I can’t find my feet. Built my world on promises, colorless and cold.”

Last night I had a lovely conversation with one of my oldest best friends.  We have been best friends for close to 26 years, I can’t believe we have managed to keep in touch for so long!  This girl gave me her chicken pox…I’m sure she was my mom’s favorite person at that moment. haha.  When we were starting 4th grade I found out Andrea was going to move to Japan, I didn’t know what I was going to do without her in my daily life.  I always think about how so much in my life would have been different had she stuck around.  Andrea and I managed to keep in touch, writing letters back and forth and she would visit her grandmother who lived down the street from me.  A few years later Andrea and her family made her way back to Kansas and then they finally settled in Arizona. We’ve managed to go through a few of the same things during the same years in our lives.  There’s a connection that will always be there.

Three weeks ago Andrea called me to catch up.  I was frazzled because I had just learned of my uncle’s death.  I found out last night that there was a reason for that call, more than just to catch up.  She wanted to tell me I was going to be an auntie again!  I never got around to calling her back with all the other things that ended up happening over the course of the following two weeks.  She told me that Miley Addison had turned two last week and mama was pregnant and going to find out the sex of the baby next Friday.  I was told that Miley knows who I am because she and her husband show pictures of people Miley doesn’t get to see on a daily basis and that she only has two non blood aunties, me being one of them.  Do you understand just how much that warmed my heart?  My best friend is married, has a 2 year old, another on the way, and has great plans for her future and doesn’t forget to share these important moments with me.  I’m so lucky.

Title Lyrics: “Gone”-Matt Nathanson

“Sunset’s just my light bulb burning out.”

I have been on the go for the last three weeks.  Seems like I or someone in my life has been hit with one thing after another.  It has been intense, for sure.  However, I’m the kind of person that takes things as they come. 

I think I’ve got good coping skills.  These coping skills are results from something that I went through about 10 years ago.  I can’t even remember the last time I had a day to myself and I honestly didn’t even think about it until a friend of mine said not to spread myself too thin and hoping that I was taking time out for myself.  Sometimes we need reminders to focus on ourselves and he was that little reminder that I needed. 

Today I took time out for myself.  Slept amazingly, had a little lunch with family, came back home and slept, did some yoga, and decided I needed to take a bubble bath.  Bubble baths are so underrated.  There is nothing like soaking in a hot bubble bath with lavender bath salts, lights out, candles lit, and music (tonight was courtesy of Mr. Amos Lee).  Being able to think about each breath and close out the world and enjoy time alone.  I always appreciate my moments where I’m aloud enough time to soak in the tub.  :) 

Tomorrow, I’ll get up and hopefully get the chance to take in an awesome sunrise.  Life really is about substance, it’s about being able to appreciate what you have.  For me, I appreciate the family and friends I have in my life.  I appreciate the people I work with and my job.  I appreciate my drive to and from work because I get to take in amazing sunrises and sunsets.  I appreciate the days I get to go to the city because I’m so close to the ocean.  I appreciate the musicians out there for making music that keeps me sane.  Things can shift, be added, or be removed from my life, but as long as I have all of this, I’m good.

Title lyrics: “Oh My Sweet Carolina”-Ryan Adams

“The first time that we slept with the light on and the sun’s coming up and we woke up on the floor. Everything that you feel, that you can’t describe, why can’t it be like the first week?”

Awhile ago I read about a theory by an anthropologist named Robin Dunbar.  “Dunbar’s number” suggests that there is a cognitive limit when it comes to the number of people we manage to maintain stable social relationships with.  That number is suggested to be at 150.  It’s an interesting thought and recently it got me thinking about it.  There’s only so many hours in the day and we can only manage to keep contact with so many people in those given daily hours. 

For a girl who has had the hardest time letting people go and ending relationships that aren’t too healthy, I didn’t want to think too much about it.  I’ve mentioned many times before that over the year I finally started to stick up for myself, realizing just what I deserve.  If I allow people who are incapable of valuing relationships or appreciating relationships then they need to be gone from my life.  I refuse to waste time on people who only message, text me, or call me only when they need something.  It’s ridiculous and my time is valuable and go to those that show me that I matter to them just as much as they matter to me. 

Recently, “Dunbar’s number” made it’s way to the front of my mind. I realized, that as I started to get rid of people in my life and cutting connections to unhealthy people, that I’ve ended up meeting some pretty fabulous people.  Getting rid of dead weight opened up spots for these people.  It’s not filling a void, it’s allowing the chance to be surrounded by amazing.  I choose what family and friends I have attached to my world.  There’s no room for drama or hate, life is way too short for all of that negative crap.  I like to think I put good out into the universe and that I’m opening myself to great things to manifest in my life.  So far so good!  30 is pretty fantastic when you’re confident in who you are and when you surround yourself with the love of family and friends.  Can’t go wrong with a combination like that!

Title Lyrics: “First Week”-Graham Colton Band

“But your eye’s on the prize and you can’t realize that your little girl’s life’s so short.”

Top five regrets of the dying

A nurse has recorded the most common regrets of the dying, and among the top ones is ‘I wish I hadn’t worked so hard’. What would your biggest regret be if this was your last day of life?

A palliative nurse has recorded the top five regrets of the dying. Photograph: Montgomery Martin/Alamy

There was no mention of more sex or bungee jumps. A palliative nurse who has counselled the dying in their last days has revealed the most common regrets we have at the end of our lives. And among the top, from men in particular, is ‘I wish I hadn’t worked so hard’.

Bronnie Ware is an Australian nurse who spent several years working in palliative care, caring for patients in the last 12 weeks of their lives. She recorded their dying epiphanies in a blog called Inspiration and Chai, which gathered so much attention that she put her observations into a book called The Top Five Regrets of the Dying.

Ware writes of the phenomenal clarity of vision that people gain at the end of their lives, and how we might learn from their wisdom. “When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently,” she says, “common themes surfaced again and again.”

Here are the top five regrets of the dying, as witnessed by Ware:

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

“This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.”

2. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.

“This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret, but as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.”

3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.

“Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.”

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

“Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.”

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

“This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content, when deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.”

Title lyrics-“Supply and Demand”-Amos Lee

Life and death…

It’s not like my life isn’t amazing, it is. I drove into work yesterday thinking “Why is life so amazing” and then followed it up with “that is not to be taken as a complaint!” Right before 11:30am I got a text from my mom telling me my uncle was dead. I text her asking what happened, she didn’t respond in enough time, so I called. She was frazzled. I asked her what happened and she told me that he got up that morning, showered, went into their temple that they have in their house, and shot himself. I’m okay with death, when it’s something that’s the cause of a health issue, say a heart attack. I handle that quite well. However, as I’ve learned from a friend’s suicide and now my uncle’s, when it’s something that could have been prevented, that’s when it takes a bit out of me and I need to process it. Suicide just adds to the plate and you’re left with questions you may never know the answer to. The only comfort I get from it all is that he is not suffering from whatever plagued him and not suffering is the outcome I have to be okay with, hard for someone who’s as nosy as I am. My uncle was amazing, I don’t know if he knew that. He was great with my siblings, my cousins, and I when we were young. This could be because he was a pediatrician and was around children all the time. He inspired me and being around him, you could just feel the amazing man he was. He was the reason I wanted to be a pediatrician. I was a Johnson & Johnson’s calendar baby and the shot they used for the calendar is a shot taken when I was sitting on his examining table. I’ll miss that guy, I hope he knows just how much he meant to me.